I had an internal meeting.
You know, one of those ones where all of the voices in your head are talking and then, boom… a bright idea? Yeah, one of those.
It’s been quite a bit since I’ve truly felt “in touch” with myself and my body. Maybe one would call it dissociation, but if I described it in the most basic form, I could rub my arm and hardly feel my touch.
I could easily chalk it up to:
- Being in year 3 of a seemingly never-ending pandemic.
- Finally landing a corporate writing gig after years of freelancing.
- Getting rid of all my freelance clients.
- Stepping out of the dating arena after years of trying to find “the one”.
- Watching my earned income go from $45k to over 6 figures in less than a year.
There have been so many life-changing events that have happened in a short time that I often feel like …
I’ve found myself getting lost in moments of the day as I went from being so used to being busy to having free time. Free time to think, sleep, eat, and sleep more. I always thought writing in the corporate space would require so much of me, and to my surprise, it did but not in the way I thought.
It requires me to be more present. Something I hadn’t been in a while as I just carried on day-by-day going through the motions.
It requires me to trust my creative instincts and speak up. After working on my argumentative nature, I do not use my voice to share my opinion out loud.
It requires me to be confident in my knowledge, sharpness, wit, and capabilities. After years of just getting by, life finally requires me to sit up and get involved.
In my staff meeting, It was decided that it was time to get back in touch with myself. So, I asked, what is it that I need? How can I feel more comfortable in this new atmosphere and lifestyle?
Well, I can confidently tell you that I didn’t come to an easy conclusion, but the staff said, “Sister, you need a hobby.”
Something that could help me get my mind, spirit, and body moving. Something that makes it difficult for me to overthink but happily feel a deep personal connection.
Enter: Pole dancing.
In my first class for the four-week series, I was ANXIOUS. I was excited to get in touch with my sensuality, reclaim my goddess energy, and feel in tune with myself and my body. I will admit, I smoked a joint before I went because I was plagued with thoughts about how weak and out of shape I am, how much bigger my body is, and if others would catch on quicker or have more confidence than I did.
To my surprise, that theme of angst and worry ran through nearly all 10 of us in the class.
But our instructor supported us. Guided us. And we built bonds together, week by week as we explored our body’s capabilities to lift, bend, stretch, spread, and more. We showered each other with affirmations, cheers, and chants when reaching personal milestones. We celebrated each others’ wins each week like our own.
And week after week, I’ve grown. Grown closer to the gentle parts of my mind that tell me what I’m afraid of. I’ve supported. Supported parts of myself that showed insecurity and uncertainty in myself, my capabilities, and empowered myself to show up and push past the discomfort. I’ve discovered. Discover touch and connection with my body, sensuality, and confidence.
And in turn, I’ve prospered. Back in the workplace drawing from the moments in dance that require me to be present, confident, and vocal. It’s a practice I hope to keep up with as the year continues, to see how much transformation is left for me.
No Comments