So, you’ve taken the leap. Boxed up your life, said your goodbyes & landed in a brand new city. Whether for a job or just because you needed to break free from what you knew to start fresh. The air smells different, the streets hum with an unfamiliar rhythm, and… well, you might not know a soul. If you’re navigating this exciting (& let’s be honest, sometimes daunting, lonely, and weird) adventure in your 30s, you’re not alone.
Moving to a new city as an adult hits differently. The days of dorm room bonding & shared college experiences are behind us. Making friends requires a more intentional approach, along with a healthy dose of vulnerability. It’s easy to feel like everyone else already has their established circles(maybe!) and their go-to brunch spots with built-in companions. But trust me, many are open to connection beneath the surface & your fresh perspective is a valuable asset.
The Discovery Phase
Unearthing Your NEW Playground
First things first: explore! Become a tourist in your backyard. And this tip isn’t even for people in new places! I truly believe being cooped up in the house during Covid times killed the wandering spirit many of us have within. Get back outside! Wander through different neighborhoods, pop into local cafes, visit parks & check out any landmarks that pique your interest. When I’m looking for things to do, I open Google Maps & search *insert activity name or type* near me, then browse all the listings that come up & save all things that pique my interest. From there, I make my way through the list of places to go based on where the wind blows me. This initial exploration isn’t just about getting your bearings; it’s about subtly immersing yourself in the city’s vibe & identifying places you might frequent, increasing your chances of organic encounters.
Settling In
Creating Your Sanctuary
Your living space becomes your anchor in this new environment. Make it feel like you. Unpack, decorate & create a space where you feel comfortable & safe. This sense of stability will provide a solid foundation as you venture out. Familiarize yourself with local amenities like grocery stores, gyms & your favorite coffee shop. Seriously, skip Starbucks and find a place that is niche to your neighborhood. That will help you get grounded in your new environment. Establishing a routine, even a small one, can bring a sense of normalcy & control, quickly removing the feeling of “being on vacation” and not feeling like you’re home.
The Friendship Frontier
Braving Vulnerability & Putting Yourself Out There
Now for the part we often tiptoe around: making friends. It’s not always easy & it does require putting yourself out there and being vulnerable & humble. It takes getting out of your feelings & projecting what you think people may say, or judge & think about you. We’re human, we all ultimately want to be chosen & accepted. But remember, vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s the birthplace of connection. Sharing a little about yourself, your interests & your desire to meet new people with an open heart, opens the door for others to connect with you.
Here are some tools & strategies I’ve found incredibly helpful:
- Bumble BFF: This app isn’t just for dating! Bumble’s “BFF” mode is specifically designed for finding platonic connections. Be honest in your profile about what you’re looking for in friendships & be proactive in initiating conversations & suggesting meetups. I’ve made quite the friend group thanks to Bumble BFF! Just be yourself, and remember when you make a commitment to honor it! You’re putting yourself out there just as much as someone else is when engaging.
- Facebook Groups: Dive into groups centered around your hobbies, interests, or even your neighborhood. Whether it’s a book club, wine lovers club, dinner party, hiking group, foodie community, or a group for expats in your city, these spaces offer built-in common ground. Don’t be afraid to comment on posts, ask questions & even suggest meetups.
- Community Events: Keep an eye out for local events happening in your city. Facebook has a really creepy way of suggesting events nearby that could be of interest. Libraries, community centers, local businesses & even online event platforms often host workshops, talks, festivals & social gatherings. These give low-pressure environments to meet new people with shared interests.
- Say “Yes” (Within Reason): When opportunities arise – a coworker inviting you for lunch, a neighbor mentioning a local event – try to say yes, even if it feels a little outside your comfort zone. You never know where a meaningful connection may blossom.
- Be a Regular: Find a few places you enjoy (your local coffee shop, a dance studio, gym, a dog park) and become a regular. Consistent presence increases the chances of striking up conversations with other regulars.
- Embrace Solo Adventures: I’m going to hold your hand when I say this…. Don’t wait for someone to join you to experience your new city! Go to that museum, try that restaurant, attend that concert solo. You’d be surprised by the people you meet along the way & you’ll definitely become more comfortable in your new surroundings.
Thriving, Not Just Surviving
Settling into a new city isn’t just about finding your way around; it’s about building a life you love. This takes time, patience & a willingness to step outside your comfort zone. Celebrate the small victories – that friendly chat with a barista, that enjoyable event you attended solo, that budding connection with someone new.
Remember, everyone has been the “new person” at some point. Most people are kinder & more welcoming than you would imagine. Embrace the journey, be open to new experiences, and allow yourself the time & space to build your community. In my own journey, many other newbies told me it takes at least 3 years for you to find your stride, and as I enter year 3– I have to agree! Your new city is waiting to be explored & the connections you make will weave the vibrant tapestry of your new life.
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