Y’all, you know how this ADHD driven brain goes. One minute I’m reading The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer, and the next thing you know, it’s 3 AM and I’m deep into research about death doulas. Let me put you onto something that might change how you think about end-of-life care.
First things first: what exactly is a death doula? Think of them as birth doulas, but for the other end of life’s journey. They’re non-medical professionals who provide emotional, spiritual, and practical support to people who are dying and their families. They help make the transition more peaceful, intentional, and even beautiful – yes, I said beautiful. And I know what you’re thinking.. I’m a bit obsessed with death. And that’s not so much the case. As someone who has experienced a lot of physical loss and grief, I’ve grown to be comfortable with it. I definitely still experience a bit of death anxiety, but it rarely takes me out as much as it used to.
I was particularly moved learning about Alua Arthur, founder of Going with Grace. This remarkable Black woman left her career as a lawyer to become one of the most respected death doulas in the country. Her work focuses on helping people face death with dignity and ensuring that marginalized communities have access to compassionate end-of-life care.
This reminded me of how I flew into Ohio when I got word that my uncle Skeetah, was nearing the end of his time here in this realm. I stayed with him in the hospital, consoled my cousins, and just existed so he wouldn’t be nor feel alone as he left us. It was my second time watching a loved one cross over, and it was a soothing, and empowering experience that made me wonder if it would be something I’d be interested in doing as a side life mission.
The more I dug, the more I discovered amazing Black women revolutionizing this field. Take Oceana Sawyer, whose Instagram chronicles her journey as a death doula while tackling heavy topics with grace and even moments of joy. Her work specifically focuses on helping Black families navigate end-of-life care systems that haven’t historically served them well.
But here’s what really got me: death doulas don’t just show up in the final hours. They help people live more fully by facing their mortality head-on. They facilitate important conversations about legacy, help create death care plans (think birth plans, but for the end), and even assist with practical matters like organizing important documents or planning meaningful ceremonies.
One of my favorite discoveries was learning about “death cafés” – casual gatherings where people come together over tea and cake to discuss death openly and honestly. It’s like a book club, but make it existential. Many death doulas, including Naomi Edmondson of Conscious Departure, host these events to normalize conversations about death in the Black community.
I also learned about the International End of Life Doula Association (INELDA), which offers certification programs and maintains a directory of certified death doulas. They’re working to make this care more accessible to everyone, regardless of background or economic status.
The most surprising thing? This work isn’t depressing at all. In fact, the death doulas I researched speak about their work with such warmth and purpose. They’re not just helping people die – they’re helping people live their final chapter with intention, dignity, and peace.
Have y’all ever thought about death doulas before? Would you consider working with one? Drop your thoughts in the comments below – let’s normalize these conversations! 💜
Note: This post contains discussions about death and end-of-life care. While I’ve tried to keep it light and informative, please take care of yourself and step away if needed.
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