How shadow work revealed my fear of commitment

Posted by Alicia Williams on

I'll be the first to tell you that I am on a journey of becoming healthy, happy and WHOLE. 
I often find it disturbing when others say they are seeking their "better half"so that they could finally be the person they know they are meant to be.. For me, you should become that person before you meet your life partner, because then you become an enhanced version of your already comfortable greater self. 

In order to be that whole being, I know that I have to be able to travel within the shadows and take a close look at the woman I am and really analyze the changes that need to be made to become my higher/est self. 

So that process takes a bit of shadow work.

What is shadow work?

Well shadow work is the work you do when you analyze the parts of yourself that you don't want to acknowledge. It's venturing to those emotions and feelings that you pressed down and bottled up, promising to never revisit again. Sorting through those feelings allow you to get to the root of your problems, fears, and issues in order to find a healthy resolve. 

For Example: Maybe like myself, someone betrayed you in a relationship but life had to keep going for you, never giving you time to properly grieve and address how that made you feel. So you push the emotions down and keep going through life. Later down the road you may discover that any time you start to feel the way you did when the first betrayal happened you begin to get agitated, annoyed or distant. Maybe you run away from everything that reminds you of that betrayal. Doing shadow work will allow you to revisit that initial trauma and address it so that you can heal the wound and grow. 

Doing this kind of work allows you to clear up some of the physical and emotional blockage you have within, and helps unearth some of the reasons things may bother you. 

Venturing into those dark corners that you wish didn't exist allow you to operate from a place of wholeness and allows you to have more room for abundance and expansion. 

In doing this work, you may unearth a lot of things that you didn't know were buried deep inside of you. 

And that's exactly what happened for me. In doing my shadow work, I found that the sudden passing of my mother left me fearing ever being capable of securely loving someone else. I'd felt a pain so deep after her passing that it left me to avoid and disrupt anything that came close to me loving someone other than myself. I realized that my fear of feeling that level of pain again prevented me from having the desire to connect on a deep level with anyone. 

While this was one revelation of the intense shadow work done over the last year, it is a great example of what can happen if you are open to the process of deep self healing. 

Have you done shadow work? If not, what is holding you back from doing it?

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